We are the exceptions, and not the Rule.

According to a former professor of mine, there are two types of people, those that have kids, and those that don’t know shit. I, myself, fall into the former category. I am the father of an amazing and beautiful four-year-old little girl and she has brought more joy, success and happiness to me than any other person or event in my life. Since she was born, I left my job of 8 years, have gone back to school and earned a BFA in Graphic Design/Studio Art (honors in the major, btw ), and secured a better job for myself in the process. All of this while being a devoted father and caring for her more than fifty percent of the time.

Fifty percent of the time?

That’s right. Her mother decided I wasn’t the person she wanted to share her life with. As a result I am a single father. Now, don’t take this the wrong way. I don’t want a medal. I don’t want sympathy. I don’t even want to be recognized. My only wish is that people would wake up to the idea that not every father in this world, who is involved in either a divorce or never-married situation, is a deadbeat! There are those of us that love our children and realize we have a responsibility towards them. I realize that the “deadbeats” make for much better day-time TV fodder, what with the public craving for crass salaciousness in their entertainment, but I would be willing to bet that for every “deadbeat-dad” out there, there’s a “dedicated-dad” as well. Unfortunately, our “society” has made an uphill battle for any man who has a desire to be a part of their children’s lives in today’s so-called non-traditional families. I’ve had my experiences, I’ve felt much anger towards the “system”, and I most definitely harbor my resentments- but, when my daughter is with me all of that fades away. Having her in my life has been the greatest stabilizer of my life.

This morning, while perusing my daily web-comics, I found this post written in response to yesterday’s update of Brad Guigar’s weekly comic strip Phables. Personally, I like Guigar’s work, and there is much to like, but with Phables, especially, he tries to reach out and give his audiences something more than a three-beat joke or deftly ironic punchline. Phables consistently spotlights “everyday” folks and their experiences within the city of Philadelphia, and the stories contained therein often present uplifting, positive and life-affirming instances that are so often in short supply elsewhere in our media. Its “slice of life” and “ultra-real” approach makes it something that persons of any age can take something away from or relate to, and its presence, to me, is much needed in this cynical and suspicious world we find ourselves in. It also helps that Guigar is adept at creating panels overflowing with detail without becoming cluttered. His depictions of Philadelphia bring it to life for those of us not familiar with it. His drawings may be two dimensional but the work itself gives Philadelphia a depth and charm to the point that it emerges as the main character of the strip. It lives and breathes and moves as much as a “Brandy”, or “Dagwood”, or a “Snoopy”.

Brendan’s post chooses instead to focus on the verbiage of the latest strip. My thought is that Brendan might be a regular reader of Phables, since there is no mention of issue with the art or the strip itself. It just so happened that yesterday, Brendan took issue with the way it was worded. It’s not easy being a single father. My uncle is fond of saying, “No Good deed goes unpunished.”, and I can definitely relate to what Brendan is saying. There are way too many instances of fathers being portrayed as hapless in our world. We could benefit from a few more positive instances of “Good” fathers in our media. When was the last time in movies, TV or literature that a father was portrayed as being something other than bumbling or foolish or lazy. Everyone knows who Clark Griswold, Homer Simpson, and Ray Barrone are, but what was the name of the father on Family Ties? Once again, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying there aren’t positive representations of fathers in our media, but I’m well aware of the fact that in a society where authority is the best target for humor and in one that is more or less patriarchal in nature, the role of fathers are often skewed and become a good source of material for comedy- What father hasn’t said “Because, I said so!”? For that matter, what mother hasn’t either? I understand stereotypes develop, and then are exaggerated (Peter Griffin, anyone?), but at what point is it too much? Brendan, obviously, hit his breaking point yesterday, with Phables, and I honestly can’t blame him. Being a single father is a thankless role to play in today’s world with constant insinuations that somehow we do less, and are less than the mothers of our children. Why is it so hard for society to understand that there are worthless mothers out there, and that there are “deadbeat-moms”, too. There are good and bad examples for both, and this is one instance in a series of many where equality between the sexes is ignored.

While I may not share Brendan’s anger, and I understand he isn’t mad at Phables (it’s a symptom, not the cause), I applaud him for speaking up and understand where he is coming from. It certainly inspired me to speak up. As a single father you find that you often have to swallow your emotions for the child’s sake. Personal issues are left unresolved because in the scheme of things they are secondary to that child’s welfare and benefit. It doesn’t help that there are few, if any, resources for single-fathers in these situations. Maybe if our society heard more of the plight of single fathers there would be more consideration for us. But then again, we are the exception and not the rule.